February 2009 Editorial

Here in the United States February is known for a few things; there's President's Day, Black History Month, the Super Bowl, and of course Valentine's Day. All of these events and holidays serve their purpose. President's Day is an excellent excuse for retail stores to have extended weekend sales and for school teachers to make cheesy crafts using the silhouettes of Abe Lincoln and George Washington's heads. Black History month is a good way to help white people feel less guilty about the country's often racist legacy. The Super Bowl allows men to get into the kitchen and make homemade snacks that their wives would otherwise forbid them from eating, such as bacon covered with Cheeze Wiz and pizza topped with deep fried corn dogs and bologna. Obviously Valentine's Day is the month's real main event and is perhaps the most frightening day of the year for a lot of men.

Every year as Valentine's Day approaches men are seen uncomfortably shopping in stores that they normally wouldn't be caught dead in. If people watching is your thing then there's not too many things more entertaining than going to your local mall, florist, women's clothing store, women's undergarment store, sex shop, or jewelry store to watch men awkwardly looking around and trying to avoid eye contact. This year will be my first Valentine's Day as a married man and not to long ago I could be found at a bookstore in the romance novel section, trying to find a book that would suit my wife's tastes. You can be sure that women were giving me weird looks, which of course made me feel even more awkward than I had to when I was reading about pulsing body parts and undercover cops. I am a good husband.

As a Punk I know how difficult the whole romance thing can be. Since the Punk rock scene is either generally asexual or sexually amoral, most of us who grew up as part of the Punk subculture never had a lot of guidance when it came to learning how to be in serious relationships. I suppose that this may be a common problem for people involved in other subcultures, like Indie rock, or anything that decidedly travels off the beaten path in terms of relationship dynamics, but from first hand experience I can definitely tell you that most young Punk guys are either scared to death of females or see them as mere sexual conquests. As a result when many of us try to go down the path of having a "normal" functioning relationship we are clueless.

One thing that almost every Punk guy has done at some point to try to impress a girl is making a mix tape. These days there is no doubt that there are probably a lot of mix C.D.'s floating around too, but mix tapes are more classy and old fashioned assuming that the chick being courted owns a tape player to play it on. As discussed in the movie, High Fidelity, making a mix tape is a delicate art form as you are attempting to use someone else's words and music to get a message across. If you start the tape off with "When a Man Loves a Woman" than you will almost definitely send too strong of a message. I once had a friend lament to me that she had received a mix tape from a guy which kicked off with Cheap Trick's "I Want You to Want Me." Great tune, but needless to say all subtlety had been thrown out the window. Such songs should be reserved for mix tapes being made for serious girlfriends, fiancées, or wives. Incidentally my wife hates Cheap Trick (yes, apparently this is possible), so she has never had to worry about this one being thrown onto a mix.

Part of the problem is that, of course Punk rock love songs are few and far between and the ones that are out there often just don't do the trick. Of course not every song on a mix tape has to be sending out those love vibrations, but if you go too far to one extreme you could also risk making a tape that says "Let's be pals." For this reason I have compiled a list of some tasteful Punk rock songs about girls, that don't give off the creepoid vibe.

The Ramones: "I Want You Around"
The Simpletones: "I Have a Date"
7 Seconds: "Trust"
Untouchables: "Teenage Kicks"
The Damned: "I See Her Tonight"
The Adicts: "Odd Couple"
The Clash: "1-2 Crush on You"  (only for the bold)
Dead Milkmen: "Punk Rock Girl"
Generation X: "From the Heart"
Sheer Terror: "Young Punks In Love"
The Descendents: "Silly Girl"

On the flip side, here's a list of songs which get a BIG red light if you want to make a successful mix tape that does not come on too strong:
Black Flag: "I Love You"
The Stooges: "Your Pretty Face Is Going to Hell"
Buzzcocks: "What Do I Get?"
Generation X: "Kiss Me Deadly"
Divinyls: "When I Think About You I Touch Myself"

If you do decide to make a Valentine's Day mix tape follow these rules and you should be fine. Make sure also to try to include some non punk tunes to balance out everything.

For those who don't have anyone to spend Valentine's Day with there's always good ways to make the best of the situation. It can almost be guaranteed that you will know someone having some kind of anti Valentine's Day get together and ironically those can usually be a pretty good way to meet girls. Or you could always just treat the day like any other. One of the best Valentine's Days I have ever had was when I went to see Gang Green. The only bummer was that I got home and found that an orange had been flushed down the toilet that night, but that's another story for another article.

-Ditch-
Asst. Editor